It’s 9pm, the lights are off, and your child is calling out again – convinced something is lurking in the corner of the room. If this scene feels painfully familiar, you’re far from alone. Nighttime fears, including a fear of the dark, are one of the most common childhood sleep challenges parents bring to us, and they can turn a simple bedtime into a nightly battle of reassurance, negotiation and exhaustion.
The good news is that a fear of the dark is a normal part of development for most young children, and there is a great deal parents can do to help. In this article, I’ll explain why nighttime fears happen, what the latest research tells us, which well-meaning habits can accidentally make things worse, and the practical steps that genuinely help most children feel safe and settled at bedtime.
Why so many children are afraid of the dark
Fear of the dark is one of the most common fears in childhood, and it isn’t a sign that something has gone wrong. Research suggests that the majority of children experience some form of nighttime fear between the ages of two and nine, with these worries typically emerging around the time a child’s imagination, memory and understanding of “what could happen” all start developing rapidly – usually from around age five.
At this stage, children are old enough to imagine monsters, burglars or shadows turning into something frightening, but not yet old enough to reliably reason themselves out of that fear. Darkness removes the usual visual cues that help a child feel oriented and safe, so an ordinary bedroom can suddenly feel unfamiliar and uncertain once the lights go out.
What the research tells us
Nighttime fears have received growing attention from sleep researchers in the past couple of years, and the findings are reassuring for parents looking for a way forward. Studies examining children with clinically significant nighttime fears have found that these fears often cluster with mild separation anxiety or specific worries about the dark or “natural” threats (such as noises, shadows or being alone), rather than being a single, isolated problem.
Importantly, recent intervention studies have found that structured, gradual approaches to nighttime fears don’t just reduce the fear itself – they also improve children’s overall sleep quality and reduce broader anxiety and behavioural difficulties. In other words, addressing nighttime fears properly tends to have benefits that reach well beyond bedtime.
Common mistakes that can accidentally reinforce the fear
When a child is frightened, the instinct to reassure them is completely natural – but a few very common parenting habits can unintentionally keep a fear of the dark going for longer than it needs to. Watch out for:
- “Checking” for monsters. Looking under the bed or in the wardrobe to prove nothing is there can backfire, because it quietly confirms to your child that checking was a reasonable thing to do in the first place.
- Promising to “get rid of” imaginary threats. Statements like “I’ve told the monsters to go away” can validate the idea that the threat was real, rather than helping your child learn that it was never there.
- Staying until they fall fully asleep every night. This is understandable in the short term, but it can prevent a child from building confidence in their own ability to settle, which tends to prolong bedtime difficulties.
- Sudden, unpredictable bedtimes. An inconsistent routine gives an anxious mind more room to wander, making fearful thoughts more likely to take hold.
None of these habits make a parent “wrong” – they’re the natural response to a distressed child. The goal isn’t to withdraw comfort, but to offer it in a way that gradually builds your child’s own confidence rather than relying on it every single night.
What actually helps: practical steps for bedtime
Most children respond well to a combination of environmental changes, routine, and gentle, gradual confidence-building. Try:
- A warm, dim night light. A soft amber or red-toned light (rather than bright white or blue light) won’t interfere with sleep in the way brighter lighting can, while still removing the disorientation of total darkness.
- A predictable wind-down routine. A calm, consistent sequence – bath, story, cuddle, lights down – signals to your child’s brain that it’s time to relax, and reduces the space for fearful thoughts to creep in.
- A comfort object. A favourite soft toy or blanket can give a young child a genuine sense of security when you’re not in the room.
- Validating feelings without over-investigating them. Rather than “there’s nothing there,” try “I can see you’re really worried right now – that’s an uncomfortable feeling, and I’m right here.” This acknowledges the emotion without confirming the imagined threat.
- Daytime confidence-building games. Simple games like hide-and-seek or torch-lit treasure hunts, played in daylight, can help children build a positive association with dim or unfamiliar spaces in a low-pressure way.
- A gradual reduction in your presence. If you currently sit with your child until they fall asleep, try moving your chair a little further from the bed every few nights, so they build tolerance for settling independently in small, manageable steps.
Consistency matters more than any single technique. Most children need several weeks of a steady, predictable approach before nighttime fears noticeably ease – progress is rarely instant, but it is usually steady.
When nighttime fears might need extra support
A degree of fear around bedtime is developmentally normal, but it’s worth seeking further support if:
- The fear is severe enough to cause significant distress most nights, for weeks or months on end
- Your child is also showing signs of anxiety during the day, not just at bedtime
- Sleep loss is starting to affect mood, concentration or school performance
- The fear is accompanied by frequent nightmares or night terrors
- Nothing you’ve tried consistently for several weeks seems to be making a difference
In these situations, a structured, evidence-based approach – such as the graded exposure techniques used in children’s sleep psychology – can make a real difference. You can read more about this approach on our page about children’s nighttime fears, or our broader guide to CBT for children’s sleep problems.
When bedtime fears and bedwetting overlap
In our clinical experience, nighttime fears and bedwetting sometimes appear in the same household, even though they’re separate issues with different causes. A child who is anxious about the dark may resist going to the toilet alone at night, which can make bedwetting more likely, while a child who wets the bed may develop additional worry around bedtime itself.
If your child is also struggling with wet nights, it’s worth knowing that most children become reliably dry with structured, evidence-based bedwetting treatment, typically involving a body-worn alarm used consistently over several months. Our guide on how to stop bedwetting and our comparison of bedwetting alarms are good starting points, and treatment is generally appropriate from around age five onwards, in line with NICE guidance. If you’re unsure whether it’s the right time to start, our free bedwetting questionnaire is a straightforward way to find out – Dr. Kushnir reads every submission personally.
A calmer bedtime is within reach
A fear of the dark can feel relentless when you’re in the middle of it, but for most children it is a normal, time-limited stage rather than a lasting problem. With a warm, predictable routine, thoughtful lighting, validation without over-reassurance, and small steps towards independence, most children gradually build the confidence to settle in the dark on their own. If fears are severe, persistent, or tangled up with other sleep difficulties such as bedwetting, structured professional support can help things move faster and more smoothly than trial and error alone.
For more general questions about children’s sleep and bedwetting, our FAQ page covers many of the questions parents ask us most often, and you’re welcome to get in touch via our contact page if you’d like to discuss your child’s situation directly.
Frequently asked questions
At what age is fear of the dark normal in children?
Fear of the dark is most common between roughly ages two and nine, often becoming more noticeable from around age five as a child’s imagination develops. It’s a normal part of development for most children and usually eases gradually with a consistent, reassuring bedtime approach.
Should I let my child sleep with a night light?
Yes, a dim, warm-toned night light (amber or red rather than bright white or blue) is a sensible and widely recommended way to help a child who is afraid of the dark feel more secure, without significantly disrupting sleep quality.
Is it bad to check under the bed for monsters?
It’s understandable to want to reassure your child this way, but checking under the bed or in cupboards can unintentionally confirm to your child that there was something worth checking for. It’s usually more helpful to validate their feelings while calmly explaining the room is safe, rather than “investigating” it.
Can fear of the dark be linked to bedwetting?
They are separate issues, but they can occur together. A child anxious about the dark may avoid getting up to use the toilet at night, and a child who wets the bed may develop extra worry around bedtime. If both are present, it’s worth addressing each – most children respond well to structured, evidence-based bedwetting treatment alongside a calm, consistent bedtime routine for their fears.